Doodlebark
Losing a grandparent is often a child’s first experience with death. It’s hard to know what to say, especially when you’re grieving too. There’s no perfect script, but a few simple things can help little kids understand and cope.
Use simple, honest words
Young kids take words literally. Phrases like “went to sleep” or “we lost Grandpa” can be confusing or even scary. Simple, clear words help more: “Grandpa died. His body stopped working, and he can’t come back.” It feels hard to say, but it helps kids understand.
Let all the feelings be okay
Kids grieve in bits and pieces. They might cry one minute and ask to play the next. They might not want to eat, or they might act out. All of that is normal. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to laugh too.
It’s also okay for them to see you sad. “I miss him too” tells them they’re not alone.
Make a memory jar
A memory jar is a simple way to keep a loved one close.
- Find an empty jar and some small pieces of paper.
- Whenever someone remembers something about Grandpa, write it down. His silly jokes. Fishing at the pond. The way he sang in the car.
- Fold it up and drop it in the jar.
- On sad days, open the jar and read a few memories together.
Everyone in the family can add to it. Little kids can draw their memory instead of writing it. Over time, the jar fills up with all the things that made that person special.
Keep their memory part of life
- Look at photos together.
- Do something they loved, like going to their favorite park or making their favorite food.
- Talk about them by name. Kids often worry that talking about the person will make grown-ups sad.
Grief takes time, and it can come back at birthdays, holidays or out of nowhere. If your child seems stuck in their sadness for a long time, or it’s affecting sleep, eating or school, talk with your pediatrician. They can point you to support.
Watch the free read-along
Want to share the story with your kids? Here’s Penny Misses Grandpa read aloud, page by page, in a calm bedtime voice.
Get the book
In Penny Misses Grandpa, Penny’s grandpa dies, and Mama helps her make a memory jar. It’s a gentle story about missing someone, with a page for your child to start their own memory jar.
Questions parents ask
How do I explain death to a young child?
Use simple, honest words, like ‘Grandpa died. His body stopped working, and he can’t come back.’ Avoid phrases like ‘went to sleep,’ which can confuse or scare little kids.
What is a memory jar?
It’s a jar where the family writes down favorite memories of the person who died. On sad days, kids can pull one out and read it, laugh or cry.
When should I get extra help for a grieving child?
If sadness, fear or behavior changes last a long time or get in the way of daily life, talk with your pediatrician or a grief counselor.